...Hi...

Hi... i guess this is just me saying how blah i feel right now. I am filled with nerves. I have started back at a new dance school after a year and a half break. I am taking my first ballet class since then today. I feel like i'm going to puke my guts up.
Not to mention the fact school starts tomorrow and i feel so blah about that too. I don't normally get this bad about stuff like this, but with sleep being non-existent at the moment, i think my body is just saying i've had enough.
I mean last night, all i could think about was how the reddy glow coming from my alarm clock looked a lot like the light Klarion has when he creates a portal or uses another spell. So yeah, i sat there picturing him and me just casually talking for a few hours.
Cause everyone has conversations with crazy Lords of Chaos. Right?
Anyway, i'm just trying to work up the courage to put on my pointe shoes and try a few of the exercises from before i quit. So far, i have gotten to the part of the inner argument that is telling me i'm being a coward.
So yeah. New chapter of Hero's Core soon. Hopefully...
Anyway... bye, i guess :(
(I don't want to go yet!)

100 questions!!!

So one of my friends sent me this. There was a hundred questions, so i answered them all. Enjoy. 
Disclaimer: please don't try anything that is mentioned in here if i have said not to do it. Because its probably a stupid thing to do that can kill you. 
Have fun!

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have a scar on my hip where i was cut by a knife. Accident in the kitchen. Don't dance with knives! And don't try jumping with a knife. It is really dangerous

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? nup. Oh wait... Sometimes i will scream in my sleep or groan, cause thats normal. 

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Rock, pop, rap, funky stuff, lyrical/contemporary – yes it exists – and basically anything upbeat with good lyrics.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? No clue, think it was close to midnight. who knows. 

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? To play Zatanna in live action Young Justice. All you casting people email me! 

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? I miss my friend Caillin who moved away at the start of the month (January 2014)

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? My books, my phone, my computer and my pointe shoes. 

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? About 1.73 metres

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? nup

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Nup, I love the dark better than light. {Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies!!}

i12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? I don't cry...period.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME FOR A GIRL? Wonderstuck Enchanted by Taylor Swift

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Black hair blue eyed guys!!!! or Red heads with bright green eyes, who are tall. Them guys are cuties!

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? This is implying someone would want to marry me.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? COFFEE!!!!!!!!! But i can quit anytime i want. I just don't want to. 

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Pineapple or cherry tomatoes.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Watermelon or a smoothie.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? Ummmm, probably my baby bracelet, or my teddy. And yes, i still sleep with her, cause she's awesome.

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? Robin. Anyone else want to kiss Dick Grayson?

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? nup. But i do have hyper-flexibility in my knees

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Lorna Jane or Hot Option

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? yep. 9 of them

27. WHAT KIND IS IT? 4 Cats, 2 dogs, and 3 rabbits. My mums a crazy cat lady.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I figure that falling in love isn’t really a choice. If I fell in love with someone, them leaving anytime soon would probably be irrelevant. Cause i would kidnapp them and tie them to a chair, locked in a bomb shelter in the middle of the desert. Duh.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Telling the truth.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: "a number from one to a hundred." I like the number 16.

31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES? dunno. Black’s my fav hair colour, but my hair is a dark brunette. Want to dye it darker but the rent's won't let me. :(

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? Probably one of my friends. i don't talk so much as text.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? People who can lie better than i can. That bugs me. I mean come on!

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? I’ve never been to the USA!!! I live in AUSTRALIA!!! . . . under a rock!

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Caring too much and being too loyal

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Ricky Lee

37. FIRST JOB? four hours at a hair salon, got $25 for it.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Yeah, at one of my sleep overs, me and my friends used one of their mobiles, but we forgot to block the number so one person actually called us back!

41.WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT? Reading a profile on fanfiction and listening to some music.

40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? yes i have had about eight surgeries. nothing major though.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My hair, my eyes, my smile, my brain,and my writing!

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nup

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? I have a wish-list somewhere . . . mostly books, games, movies and music. Money would be nice too. 

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? None at the moment.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes, after one of the Bronte sisters

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yep, not that it works, but its fun so I do it anyway.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? natural organic. Weird question.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? My handwriting is strange, one minute its all good, the next it looks like i was writing my last message with my own blood as i die slowly on the kitchen floor. Plus i can write with my left hand, but i prefer writing with my right. 

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Tuna or chicken

52. ANY BAD HABITS? Fingernail biting, not sitting still, not concentrating. Oh and getting extremely hyperactive when sleep or food deprived! 

53 WHAT CD ARE YOU MOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ON YOUR SHELF? I don’t have a shelf: I have a rack, and I like my CDs.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yep. We'd be besties and probably drive each other up the wall. WARNING: 2 of me is dangerous, we would take over the world and steal everyone's gummy bears!!!

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? sometimes. I mean, sometimes i care how i look. I'll be friends with someone no matter what they look like. But if they stink, well we'll have a problem.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Generally, i ignore it and at night aggressively workout or go around beating things up and throwing them. Picture Sue from Glee after seeing the principle. Yeah, that sort of angry-throwing action, though i won't growl as much, but i will scream. 

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? In my own little world. Or Mount Justice. 

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? My bike and scooter. But the best was my teddy! 

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? 15? 20? i don't something like that.

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? Duh! I loved that dinasour!

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Duh. I'm a female!!!

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mashed taters!

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? I like guys who I feel comfortable around. Someone who can make me laugh and i feel happy with. But can also shout back at me and handle my shit without backing down. Someone who can fight back (verbally) 

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Charlie, Cee, Chuck. 

67. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BAND/SINGER? I like lots of random music

68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Young Justice, Teen Titans, Castle, and anything mystery, Batman stuff.

69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT/SAT SCORE? I don’t think we do them in Australia . . . I get high scores in everything though, I’m a straight A student. We sit WACE exams, but thats not till year twelve. 

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? cookies and cream or chocolate cookie dough 

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? I think so . . . let me check. yep i have them all. theres meant to be twelve right?

72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? 2 minutes ago. Squats baby!

73. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO #64? Number 64 was the question about Mac & Cheese and Mashed potatoes. 2 was missing though...

74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? fast, possibly. 

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? yep

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Water. . . I think. i tend to look at the drink after i drink it. 

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Aunty. She was giving me a pep talk. 

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? Eyes, hair, build, clothes, smile and then their personality. That’s how it goes with anyone. 

80. LEAST-FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? Whats that even mean? But it could be Friday by Rebacca Black

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? Myself, or the people who piss me off

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? August or April

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? Zodiac is a cool word. Zodiac. Zo-di-ac . . . Leo, cause i'm a leo, my dog's name is leo. Let's all be leo's!

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?  really dark brown

86. EYE COLOR? A rich brown last i checked, but it could be chocolate brown, or reddish brown or golden brown, my eye colours can change depending on the season and temperature. Also my mood can affect my eye colour.

89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? Subway 

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? YEP!

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? Young Justice

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Either Christmas or my birthday. 

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? Piano, Guitar, recorder, keyboard, xylophone, anything that uses the piano layout. And I sing.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Australian. Though it is possible i'm a demigod. 

95. KISSES OR HUGS? Hugs.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Nail polish, royal blue.

98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? Hot Wheels. Stole it off my brother too!

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? about a dozen. thats just today. Ask again tomorrow and the number would have changed.

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: Haven’t dated, not dating, don’t intend on dating. Don’t know any guys worth dating and I don’t see the point in dating. Seriously? What is the point of having a boyfriend? No-one has given me a legitimate answer so far.

Don't know who came up with those questions but okay. I answered them. I now pass these questions onto Cathiie Terriea! You have to answer these Cathiie! 

Christmas Story- Heroes Core

Yes, i know its well past christmas, but i had started to write this story before christmas and just hadn't had a chance to finish it until today. But anyway, please read it. Its basically about the hero's first Christmas as a team together. I think its a nice story, but you should tell me what you think in the comments. 
Enjoy!

Christmas was never a goodtime. It was always sad and dull here. I visit these kids each year, bringing them presents. Crystost Orphanage, run by Gillian Greenlyn. They loved it when I came to visit, and this year I brought the team with me.

“ Hey guys!” I laugh as I get attacked by the kids with hugs. The smiles on their faces are the brightest smiles you will ever see. It doesn’t matter where you are, you will never find someone who could smile quite like these guys. And the best part about it, is that these kids, they have nothing. No family, no toys and no friends but the people with them.

As the kids let me go I crouched down and picked up the youngest, Timmy, and put him on my shoulders, and stood back up again.

“ I brought some friends, but be careful, they might tickle you if your not careful, “ as I said the word tickle I reach up and start tickling Timmy’s tummy.

“ Argh! Scar stop!” Timmy was laughing so hard, calling stop in between laughs.

“ Okay,” Putting Timmy down I walk back towards the door and open it for the team. All of them are smiling and carrying bags of toys.

“ Hey guys, Scar has told us a lot about you,” Raven says going over to one of the girls and putting the Santa hat she was wearing on her head. “ Is it true you helped him catch Tondron one time?” Raven had a huge smile on her lips.

There was a chorus of “yes” coming from the kids before us.  One of the girls went up to Knight and gave him a small hug, of which he returned and picked her up to sit on his back.

“ Well, we brought you guys some gifts,” for the next couple of seconds all you could hear was the sound of cheering, “ But first, I’ll introduce my friends,” I walked over to Whitenoise and stood beside her, “ This, is Whitenoise” White ruffled my hair and the kids laughed. Moving along I walked towards Apollo.

“ This is Apollo, and next to him is Raven,” Leaning forward, I block the view of my mouth from Raven and Apollo and stage whisper to the kids “ they’re dating, feel free to tease them,” The kids start laughing again and Raven moves to give my shoulder a slight slap.

“ And last but not least, is Knight and Clockwire,” I motion to each of them and almost immediately after Clockwire moves forward and sits down with the kids, one of the boys sat in her lap. She just smiles and give him a hug.

“ How about we hand out some presents?” Whitenoise grabs Clockwire’s bag from where she left it as well as her own, and moves to the kids.

“ Sounds like a plan,” Knight says and the rest of us follow suit, going to sit with the kids. I go to where little Timmy and his friends are and sit by them. All of us are spread out around the room, giving out presents. Each were either wrapped in a blue or pink wrapping and had a name on the front. We made sure to give each present to the right child and give them a hug and candy cane too.

I left little Timmy’s present to the last. This year was his first year without his parents, so I wanted to get him a special gift. I did this every year when there was a new child at the orphanage. Gillian loved the fact that I was always here, helping the kids through losing their family and keeping them fit and healthy. Not to mention happy. She also loved that there was always something the kids could look forward to every week.

As I passed Timmy his present, his eyes went wide and started to shine. I knew that it meant he was close to tears, remembering the last time I came how he had been having nightmares and burst out crying. I patted his back and nodded to let him know it was okay to open it.

Inside the wrapping was a new teddy, complete with the Omega costume (he’s always looked up to Omega) and sitting behind the bear was a frame of him with his parents at the last city fair.

Timmy let his tears run down his face, but he was smiling all the while. Whispering me a thank you and hugging me tightly, the bear forgotten squished between our stomachs.  I rubbed his back and told him that he could always come to me. And that everything was going to be fine.

Sitting back, he looked me in the eyes and smiled, a big toothy grin.

“ Thank you Scar,” and with that he ran off to go and show some of his friends the new bear and his parents. Carrying both clutched to his chest, scared they would break if he dropped them, or vanish.

I smiled as I looked around the room, watching all of the kids laughing and showing off their present.  The team all had smiles on their faces, laughing with some of the kids and playing with them.

Knight had a couple of girls on his back and one clinging to the front of his top while he told them, and the group of kids infront of him, a story. Probably about what he did last month, in the fight against one of his cities villains, but it didn’t seem to matter because the boys close to him hung on his every word.

Raven was braiding a girls hair, while another was doing hers. She had a small group of girls around her telling her about them and all sorts of things.  I heard her tell them about her family, and how she has a new family now, the team.

“ But how your team be your family?” one of the girls asked.

“It’s because we’re all so close. Friends, they can be your family too. It doesn’t matter about blood. As long as you share a close bond, those people will be your family,” Raven told the girls smiling warmly.

Continuing to look around the room I see Whitenoise and Clockwire playing a game of tag with a group of the kids in the backyard. Chasing each other through the snow laughing, and throwing snowballs.  No one seemed to mind the cold.

I see Apollo showing a few of the older boys how to pick up girls. I openly laughed at that one.

Gillian comes over to me and pats my shoulder. “You did good Scar, never forget the amazing things you do for these kids,”

I turn to her and nod. I then reach back into my bag and pull out a small gift for her.

“ This is for you,” I say handing the present to her. Watching her questioning look as she unwraps it and sees a spa day voucher and a cheque for ten thousand dollars for the orphanage.

“ Scar! I can’t take this much money!” She tries to hand the cheque for the money back over to me. Lifting my hands up to refuse, “ You can, because the team and I ran a few fundraisers and got this much money, so you could help more kids,”

Gillian hugs me tightly and I can hear the soft sniffles.

“ And when you take that spa day, the team and myself would be happy to look after everyone for the day,” I finish as she pulls away looking at me tears in her eyes.

“ You heroes really are the best people in the world,” she laughs and hugs me once more.

“ I’m sorry we can’t stay until later tonight, but we have the charity ball. However, we have arranged for a full meal to come here around 6:30 so everyone can have a nice Christmas dinner,”

“ Scar!” I turn to see Raven walking over, “ We have to leave in a few, so we were going to say goodbye to everyone,”

“Okay,” I turn to Gillian once again and say a quick good bye before wolf whistling to get the attention of everyone. The kids from outside come in and the team joins me by the door.

“ We have to go now guys,” I say sadly.

“ But, we’ll be back before you know it,” Clockwire promises them getting a hug from a few of the kids. The all say a goodbye and thank you before we leave.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

That night at the charity ball, all of us made a speech about how all of the night donations would be split so all of the orphanages in every city would get some money to help them through the next year.

By the end of the night we had raised over $4,000,000.00 ready to be given to each of the orphanages that next day.

All of us slept well that night knowing what a good thing we were doing. Not only were we fighting the bad guys but we were also helping the people who needed it most.

Anyway, i hope you all enjoyed it. Please leave a comment about what you liked, didn't like, or any suggestions for the stories i am writing ( Heroes Core and Fallout 16) or a short story you want me to write. 

Shout Out to Cathiee Terriea whose birthday has been and gone. But still, Happy Birthday! And see you at school next week! And you should all check her blog out http://thesearethesidesofme.blogspot.com.au/

See you all next time! 

Fallout 16- New chapter

Sooooooo, i got writers block again. This chapter is probably really weird and strange. Come to think of it, a lot of what i write doesn't make sense. Hmmmmm, i should probably work on that. 
Anyway, here is a new chapter of Fallout 16.
Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Training Day

Day One: Training

“ So remember, when infiltrating an enemies’ base to download any information from the computer. And why is that?”

Raising my hand, I quickly duck my head back to the page of notes, finding the right one so I could I the correct answer.

“Whitney,” Derek is sitting on the edge of the desk up the front.

“ So that if you need to go back you have plans and information that might be helpful, and you never know what might be on a computer. Better to download it all than to leave it untouched,” I kept my voice firm and didn’t let it waver or crack.

“ Very good. That’s it for today. You can go. Whitney, Tristan, Payton, Tom and Tyler, stay behind.”  As everyone else left the room we packed up our book and headed down to the front of the room to speak with Derek.

“What’s up Derek?” Tom asked as he leant up against a wall by the door. Beside him was Payton and Tyler. Tristan and myself by the desk, looking at Derek who was still sitting at the edge of the desk.

“ You are all being assigned to a mission. You will get the rest of the information tomorrow when you go into the meeting with the head agent in this department of Fallout 16. I hope you know just how great you are to all be going on this mission so early,”

“ Yeah, that's pretty cool. I mean, Whitney’s only been here a day and she’s already going,” Tristan must have something against me. I swear if he tells them I will kill him myself before he even makes it out of the room, I thought to myself as I turned to glare at him.

“ You’ve been here barely a week. What’s your excuse?” Tom speaks up moving to come at Tristan.

“ Calm down,” my voice is firm and louder than what I was wanting but it got everyone to shut up.  “ They knew from the start that I was going to be brought into this assignment. Otherwise why would they bring me back into the game?”

Payton gives me a look. AS if she is trying to work out what’s going through my head. Tom grunts and Tristan just glares at the wall over the other side of the room.  Tyler though hasn’t said a word since being asked to stay back. It was quite weird.

“ What do you mean?” Tyler asks, quietly but loud enough for us all to hear.

“ I mean, why would they bring in a girl who has finally gotten her head in the right place, back into this type of world?”

“ Maybe it’s because you deserve to be here,” Payton suggests walking over to stand beside me and wrap an arm around my shoulders.

“ Or it could be  because your history makes you the most reasonable agent to have,” Tristan turns, a smirk present on his face.

“ Don’t,” One word and suddenly the air was so thick with tension that I could’ve ripped through it with a knife.

“ What? What history?” Tyler and Payton look as if there’s some big mystery going on.

“ It doesn’t matter,” I turn and walk out the room, slamming the door shut behind me. Taking a deep breath before I start towards my room, knowing full well that there would be people in the halls.  Slowly I start walking, only to have my wrist caught by someone’s large hand.

“ Don’t think that they deserve to know? What you’ve gone through, it’s not that different to what a lot of the agents here have,” Turning around I see Derek’s sorry face.

“ You never know someone’s past. So don’t bother pretending to know mine as if you were there with me,” I snap back at him.

“Maybe you should tell them your past then,”

“ Derek, I can’t. You know why. You may be my handler but I don’t feel right telling people about it. Not a loud, and I don’t even feel right talking to you about this,”

“You have to tell someone,” His reply is short but I could hear how heartfelt it was. It didn’t make it easier for me to tell people about my past though.

“No, I really don’t” I turn beginning to walk away again.

“ Why do you think you still get the nightmares?” Stopping I turn to face him, seeing all the determination in his eyes to make me speak.

“Because I have been living a damned life. Growing up to kill and slaughter those who opposed me or my mission,” I let my face turn dark and set my voice to a monotone.

“ If that was true, why are you here?” Derek left, not even sparing a glance back to look at my shocked face. No one in my whole life had asked me why I was where I am. People have always told me.

I’m here because I chose to be. To try and fix everything I did when I was with Hostage Rage. Internally I answered his question. An answer that was coming solely from me, no one else contributing to it.

Maybe it is time to open up, maybe I should tell them who I was. Taking a deep breath I re enter the lecture room, seeing everyone still there. With the exception of Derek.

“Whitney, what’s going on?” Payton came up to me and grabbed my hand looking into my eyes, searching for something.

“ I am going to tell you who I was. My past,”

“ Okay, we’re here for you,” Tyler came and grabbed my other hand, pulling me over to sit down by the front of the room on one of the long desks.

“ Watch out,“ Tristan spoke still in his spot up against the front desk.

“ Watch it Tristan, or I’ll tell them what you did,” His eyes go wide and he quickly looked down. “ When I was born, my parents were a part of Hostage Rage. I was born into that part of this life. I grew up training with them, being taught things, like how to kill someone with a toothpick. When I was nine, I began my first mission. Its been seven years since that day. I was told to kill a boy the same age as me, One of the presidents son’s from another country,”

“ You did that when you were nine?” Payton was covering her mouth with her hand and holding tightly to Tom’s hand, as though if she held it tight enough none of what I say would be true.

“Yeah, and it got worse the older I got. By the time I was twelve I had killed over fifteen people. I hated it, so I started to refuse to do the killings. So I was… punished,”

“ What do you mean punished?” Tyler’s voice was hesitant, he seemed scared that by asking I would break or something bad would happen.

I lifted the back of my shirt to show them the scars on my back. Stab marks, whipping scars and all sorts of others.

“ Oh!” Payton squeaked and curled herself into Toms shoulder looking away from them. I pulled the shirt back down.

“ Their not the only ones. And it wasn’t just physical punishment. They took my parents and put them in cells, to be punished infront of me. Because I refused to kill someone,” I looked down and pushed myself off the table. “ But it didn’t matter, I never really knew them anyway. But, they took a dear friend of mine, and well,” I cut off thinking about what I could say next. The best way to phrase it next. Why not let Tristan explain, the little voice in the back of my head was speaking to me once again.

“How about Tristan tells this part of the story,” I turn and glare at him. He knew full well that I wanted him to explain it, but he turned and walked out the room. Not looking back to glare at me or anything.

“ He was there?” Tom released Payton and moved forward to go after him, but I put a hand out to hold him off.

“ Yeah, we both worked for Hostage Rage. He was there the night they took my friend. He was one of the people who dragged her away to her death. He didn’t know she was going to be killed though, but I still blame him,”

“ But if he didn’t know,” Payton took a small step forward, hands out as if she was surrendering.

“ I begged him not to take her. But he wouldn’t listen. He also tried to stop me when I was escaping,” I hit the wall with my fist, “ He was brought up there just like me. But he was never assigned to kill people so he didn’t understand why I was trying to leave. But he still tried,”

“ I’m sure he didn’t think about it at the time. People follow orders, and from what your saying, working at a place like that. You have to follow the orders,” Payton continued.

“It doesn’t matter now. My friends dead, he’s still breathing, and I’m forced to live with the guilt,”

“ Is that everything?” Tom asked grabbing my water and passing it to me.

“ Yeah, that’s everything,”

“I smell bull in the air,” Tyler said turning to face me.

“Must be your own, cause I don’t smell a thing,” I retorted and shook my head trying hard not to laugh, but failing miserably.

“ There has to be more to that story, how you got out of there,” He finished.

“ If there is, you’ll find out one day. But not today, I’ve had enough story telling for one lifetime,”

“ Well, I’m glad you told us. We’re here if you ever need a friend to talk to.”

I smiled and left the room, walking to go and find Tristan. I wanted him to regret walking out when he did.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

I had been looking around the base for about a half an hour now, and I was sad to say that I was very lost. I had walked down a hall, one I didn’t know and from there had gotten turned around and was now feeling completely out of place.

I had seen a couple of signs and started to follow them back in the right direction, but I still felt very lost.

Walking down a hall that was made of glass, I could see the great land outside. A lake and forest just beyond my reach for the moment. But I would be outside later, to go swimming and climbing those trees. It’s only then I noticed the person sitting by the lake.  I turned to go out the down that was right behind me so I could go and see if they were okay, only realising that it was Tristan who was sitting there.

“ Tristan! Get your butt over here now so I may kick it thoroughly,” Marching over I see that Tristan didn’t hear me and was actually listening to music.

How rude, not even listening to me when I am yelling insults and threats at him!  Outraged I ripped the ear buds out of his ears and slapped him on the upside of his head.

“ What the hell was that for!” He whipped around barely managing to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they were still puffy and red.

“Why didn’t you stay and face it?! You…” I cut off when he looked away from me, finally understanding why he must have been crying. “ You can’t talk about it can you?” I sat next to him and pulled his face so I could see the look in his eyes. Tristan was fighting back the tears again. He looked like a scared little boy about to be killed. And trust me, I have seen about eight of those faces in the past.

“ No,” his voice was soft, barely even there. I began to regret even hitting him. What is happening here? The question was ringing through my head,

“Why are you crying? She was my best friend, a sister to me. You dragged her away to be shot through the head,”

“ I didn’t know what they were going to do! And worse, they made me watch it! Don’t you think I was friends with her too? She was my cousin for goodness sake!”  He was yelling now, leaning over me, making me feel small. His cousin?

“ No, she never even mentioned you. That can’t be true!” shaking my head I stood and moved over to a tree and began to hit my head against it, hoping to pound reality back into place.

“ Why do you think that is? You never mentioned your parents. We couldn’t talk about family in that place, even if they were there with you,” He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me away from the tree.

“ You hate me for what happened to her, but I hate you. Because you refused to kill someone you got her killed instead. And now we both have to suffer for it,” He shoved me forward, out into the lake. The rush of the cold water around me brought me back to a sad little world. The one night where I lost everything and have been living with it since.

I let myself stay below the water, not feeling the air in my lungs. I liked it down here, so peaceful and quiet. Time felt as though it was st and nothing was happening. I could stay here forever if I just stayed still.  But I was pulled up sharply.

“ Tristan go inside and grab a towel for Whitney,” Tyler’s voice was firm. I looked up to see him and Derek. Derek carrying me up to the shore of the lake.  “ Why the hell didn’t you come up from the water?!”

“ Because, I didn’t need to,” I answered, my throat was dry and voice was cracking. The air in my lungs was stinging now.

“ You were down there for almost five minutes!” Derek put me down and stood over me, glaring in a way that should have made me scared.

“ I could have gotten myself out when I needed to. I have been trained to do as such, I didn’t need to be rescued,”

“ Really?! Because when I saw you just staying still at the bottom of the lake, it looked like you were dead!” Derek screamed at me, but I still held my ground and sat as though nothing was wrong.

“ I was fine,”

“ No you weren’t! Why won’t you admit you needed help?” Tyler asked, coming and sitting beside me as he spoke.

“ Because I didn’t need you there. And anyway, how did you know I was in the lake?” I asked looking between the two who were with me.

“ I called out for them, when you weren’t coming up I panicked and called for help,” Feeling a towel dumped on my head, I began to dry off.

“ Like you’d care anyway. You blame me for Emily’s death. You want me dead,”

My voice became a sharp hiss as I turned to look at Tristan. E looked scared and shocked. If anything else, slightly hurt by my words.

“ I don’t want you dead,” he whispered, barely even there but I still heard.

“ What?” I asked shocked at what he had just said.

“ I said I don’t actually want you dead, neither would she,” Tristan turned and walked away again while I sat in shock trying to let what he said sink in. Turning to face Tyler, his face was as shocked as mine.

“ You should show Whitney back to her room Tyler. It will be dinner time soon, and she needs to have a warm bath or something,” Derek drew our attention back to him.

“ Sure,” And with that both of us were up off the floor and walking back inside.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

I was walking slightly behind Tyler, trying to remember exactly where to go but so far, I was having no luck.

“ Who was the girl Tristan was talking about? The one who wouldn’t want you dead?” His head was down, hiding the look on his face. But I was guessing it was filled with sorrow.

“ His cousin… Emily. The girl I got killed,”

“She was his cousin?”  Shock was filling his voice.

“ I didn’t know either, “

“ Then how?” Tyler grabbed my hand and pulled me back to look at him.

“ He just told me.  Emily never even told me,”

“ So he dragged his own cousin to her death?”

“Yeah,” I whisper, trying not to let my voice crack.  I avoided looking into his eyes. If I gave in I knew I would fall apart and start crying, and that is something I never do infront of people.

“ Neither of you could have done anything. From everything you have told me today, everything you have said about Hostage Rage, they would have killed all three of you on the spot,” I don’t want to hear this, I want to go to my room and cry, I shook my head and tried to keep the tears from coming.

“ Please stop,” My voice is low and quiet. Barely there.

“Okay,” Tyler wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Letting go I cried in his arms. “its okay, its okay,” he repeated it, and for some strange reason I was finally believing that it may actually be true.

“ I need to go back to my room,” I whisper pulling away and drying my eyes. The hallway was abandoned but that didn’t mean people couldn’t come and see me crying.

Tyler nodded and held my hand walking a few more meters until we turned a corner. Recognising the hall, I let go of his hand and speed walked until I saw the door with my initials on it. Opening the door, I took one last glance at Tyler and saw him nod his head, I nodded back and went in to cry.

I cried until I fell asleep in the middle of the room.

 Yeah, i warned you it wouldn't make much sense. But yeah, see you all soon with a chapter of Hero's Core! 

Bye!

A Sad Goodbye

So, yesterday i had to say a goodbye to a friend of mine who is moving away. Saying goodbye is always hard for me so i wrote a story for her to tell her how much i would miss her, and how important she is to our group of friends. It's basically just a sad little story about goodbyes that i wrote because i didn't know what else i could do to say, goodbye.

Author’s Note: I know not a lot of people read these but I really hope you will, at least this once. This story, it’s important to me because I am writing for a friend who is leaving me. She is strong and a role model to me and all of our friends. So, Caillin, if you read this. I hope you know that you mean the world to us all!

From Your Besties! J

Saying Our Goodbyes

No one ever wants to say a goodbye to a friend. But at times we have to. We all say goodbye a different way, and we all prepare for it a different way. Some of us block that person out so we don’t have to feel the pain. Others don’t want to leave their side because they think if they spend the time they have with them they won’t miss or regret them in a painful way.

It doesn’t matter though, we all feel that pain when we lose a friend. It hurts when they move away, because you can still contact them, but you fall apart. And eventually, you spend your nights wondering if they’re happy without you around.  Sometimes, you wonder whether it would hurt less if they had died, but then you hate yourself for thinking that. Because you know deep in your heart, that no matter what happens when you lose a friend, it’s going to stay with you forever.

Eventually, the time will come to say goodbye. You give them contact information, phone numbers and email addresses. And then you give them something to remember you by, a present.

For some though its harder to do. The friends all write letters to the one who is leaving them, to tell them how much they mean to them. Why they will miss them, and what great memories you have with them. And for at least one in that group, they won’t know what to write, or how to put down how they will miss them. Generally, it's the person who always has the answer, the one who fixes the problems and gives out the advice. They can help the others write their letters to the one whose leaving, but they still can’t write their own.

It’s like a pointless battle to them, so they try to find another way to tell the person how much you will miss them. Some write songs, put it behind a photo or painting. Some even buy the person presents to try and hide the fact that they don’t know what to say.  But it’s all so cliché.

So you do the only thing you know how to. You start to fall apart and break down. Blocking out life because you didn’t say goodbye like you should have.

When you finally work out what to write, its almost too late to give the letter to them because you have left it for so long.

Everything the group of friends want to give the departing one is kept in a small shoebox, painted black with messages written in silver on it. You don’t let the friend see it until it's the last goodbye, and you all cry and weep over the fact she is actually leaving.  Her parents have to come and forcefully pull her away from the massive group hug your having, because none of you want to let go of her.

You know your going to see each other again some day, but it doesn’t ease the sting you feel each time someone brings her up.

You wonder what your friend thought of your letters. The ones in the shoebox.  But later in the night, you get a phone call, from your friend. She’s crying and telling you how much your letter meant. The following day you also get an email, which tells you, again how much it means to her.  So you allow yourself to smile and continue on as you would with her there. You don’t feel any pain when people say her name or bring up a memory with her. Because she’s still around, just not here. You can still hear her voice if you call her, and you can even Skype them from time to time, so you talk to each other face to face. 

So for all the people who have to say goodbye to a friend because they’re leaving, remember, it’s never too late to tell them how you feel about them. A letter or email. Phone calls or video chats. You can always find them on the other side.

You’ll miss them, that's for sure. But you won’t ever regret meeting them. Because how can you regret meeting someone who has made so many joyful memories with you.

I will miss you sooooooooo much Caillin, don't forget us! And please, don't cry (she cried the first time she read this). Be happy, cause you know you'll see all us crazies again!  

Anyway, for the rest of you, I'll see you all again sometime next week with a next chapter of Hero's Core and Fallout 16.